“Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, it is the conquest of it. Not until you dare to attack will you master your fears.”

William H. Danforth, 1931

It’s never easy to make a change. Status quo is like a big, fat easy-chair next to a roaring fire. It’s what we know. It’s comfortable.

But after awhile, even the cushiest chair leaves us stiff and achy. Our limbs beg to be stretched. And we yearn to see and experience more.

It’s time to get up and move on to the next thing.

I’ve spoken with a number of friends lately who are at a crossroads between the way life has been since they had their first child half a decade ago and this new stage of motherhood that involves parent-teacher conferences, drop-off birthday parties, and ballet recitals.

In many ways, our children need us more than ever. But it’s a different kind of need than that of a newborn or toddler. I guess we’re all just becoming a little bit more independent — kids and parents, alike.

In my circle of “post-toddlerhood” mothers, most of us seem to be feeling the need to redefine ourselves and branch out into new roles and responsibilities extending beyond the sweet little family that we continue to love and nurture.

We may not always know what the next road will look like, and we may even question whether or not we’re up to the task. But we’re feeling something stir within.

The funny thing is – it doesn’t seem to matter whether we took time off to stay home or continued in our jobs after starting a family. We’ve got the itch to DO something – different.

It may take months or even years to figure out what that something is. But I think that as long as we’re listening intently to that inner voice — it will come.

And then, the next step involves that thing called, “courage.”

When I think back to life before becoming a parent, I have faint memories of sitting on the couch sipping a glass of wine with my husband on a Friday night and feeling truly relaxed and mentally “empty.”

I’ve had many, many wonderful evenings since my son was born over five years ago, but it’s so much harder to unwind these days. In fact, I sometimes wonder whether I will ever be able to regain that pre-parenthood ability to just shut-down at the end of a day.

Maybe that’s because the day never really ends. It just progresses into a night-shift that then morphs into another day eight hours later.

But as parents, we need to learn how to relax again. And not just on summer vacation at the beach. We have to find a way to push mental pause — regularly.

This is a personal struggle for me. My mental tape-recorder seems to be stuck on play.

But I’ve decided to cut myself some slack. I’m not going to become “Miss Relaxed” overnight. Baby steps are better than no steps at all, I figure.

For now, I’m just trying to carve out the last 15 or 20 minutes of the day for mental relaxation. If I’m lucky, I might even get an hour in the bath. But 15 minutes will do.

Every night before turning off the light – no matter how late it might be – I’ve been making a point of reading something humorous or inspirational.

I keep a couple of uplifting books on my night stand (Erma Bombeck is great … or even a Deepak Chopra-type read), and I open one up to a random page and soak in a paragraph or two. If something makes me laugh or smile, then jackpot! I’ve hit gold.

Then I can close the book and enjoy the sweet sensation of a “lightened” head hitting the pillow.

It’s a start.

“Strive to crowd out of your life unworthy thoughts, unworthy acts, unworthy contacts. Just see what happens if, for a solid week, you fill your life only with the best! — the very best in literature, the very best in art, the very best in nature.”

William H. Danforth, 1931

I have a close friend, Melissa, who is a master of bringing beauty into her life. She turns everyday activities into ceremonious occasions.

I’ve learned a lot from her about filling my life with quality moments and experiences. So I thought I’d pass along a few of her tricks:

Light a Candle

Melissa is a little obsessive about candles. We used to share an apartment years ago, and I remember always feeling nervous that she was going to eventually burn down the place.

These mini-torches hung from the walls, were perched precariously on windowsills, and adorned every flat space (coffee tables, end-tables, vanities) in our little abode. Candles were lit for dinner, for after-dinner tea, for quiet nighttime conversation ….

As much as I might have fretted about their safety, they truly turned an ordinary moment into something quite extraordinary.

One night, we watched together as a neighboring apartment building burned to the ground as a result of a forgotten candle. I thought that this experience might have toned down her own candle-burning habit.

But even today, when I visit her and her growing little family, our moments together are bathed in candlelight. Her three young children have probably never eaten a meal under artificial light.

Put on a Pot of Tea

Being from the south, I grew up with a pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge. But I had never experienced a cup of hot tea until I met Melissa. Since then, I’ve found that most New Englanders drink their fair share of tea, but Melissa’s family drinks more than most.

They put a pot of water on to boil the moment a guest enters the house. In fact, you would never seriously try to have a conversation in their house without a nice cup of hot tea to cradle in your hands.

Plan Your Meals

I’ve spent a lot of time with Melissa and her family over the years, and I can’t remember a time when she has ever said, “Let’s just throw in a frozen pizza.”

She’s an artist. And maybe that explains why she always takes the time to visualize the way a meal will unfold before it happens. It very well may be simple — fresh bread, cheese, dilly beans, and a salad — but it’s never an afterthought.

She says, “What shall we have for dinner?” with a spark in her eye — and you know that no matter what might follow, it’s going to be some kind of culinary occasion.

Slow Down, and Be in the Moment

Although I come from a family where “rushing to the next thing” is part of our genetic code, I have never felt the need to hurry when I’m with Melissa.

She just doesn’t rush. Moments linger. Pots of coffee continue to refill themselves. We may stay in our pajamas until mid-morning. And it just doesn’t matter.

She is a master of being in the present – completely devoted to what we’re experiencing right now … A cup of hot coffee and a meaningful conversation. Why would we need to exchange this moment for a different one?

Choose Your Day

I love spending a full day with Melissa because they are always so well balanced and full. Over breakfast, she’ll say, “So what should we do today?”

And even if there are things that just have to be done — like work, errands, or house chores — she somehow finds time to weave something really great into the day. Maybe we’ll walk into town for breakfast, or we might make a picnic dinner to enjoy by the water. Or sometimes, the entire day will become a series of fun, meaningful experiences.

And it’s all because she loves embracing the possibilities that each day offers — as it begins.

My mom and I decided that it might be nice to make some candies and cookies around the holidays to deliver to some of Gracie’s neighbors. From what I can tell, many of the residents in her apartment building are shut-ins (or close to it) and spend their days quite alone.

We asked Gracie to come up with a list of five or six people who would enjoy a surprise visit. She never does anything halfway. The list that she put together included not only names but a description of each person — any disabilities, approximate age, and interests.

When we arrived at Gracie’s apartment on delivery day, she was festively dressed in a red beret, holiday sweater, and silver silk pants. In typical Gracie fashion, she turned this simple outing into an occasion.

With Gracie’s detailed guide in hand, we followed this sprightly little lady as she walked with a sense of confidence and determination through the halls of her building, cane in hand. She would arrive at someone’s door, knock her distinct rat-a-tat-tat, and they would always answer.

I got the feeling that she must make social calls fairly often. No one seemed surprised to see her standing on their doorstep.

It was a lovely way to spend a couple of hours the week before Christmas. I think that Gracie’s neighbors really appreciated our visit.

But here’s the thing that stuck with me ….. While we (like so many others who suddenly appear on the threshold of strangers’ doors around Christmas) will likely disappear from their lives until next December, Gracie will be sticking around.

The sense of social responsibility that she feels is not contained to one particular season. On a daily basis, it propels her out of the comfort of her cozy apartment and into the lives of strangers — turning them into her friends.

That day and for days after, I kept thinking about how much she gives of herself to others.

She doesn’t need to extend her social circle. She has so many friends and family members to fill her days. But she is constantly reaching out to embrace those around her (even if she has to hunt them down). Gracie makes an effort to know each person who crosses her path in an intimate, meaningful way — a basic human need that we so often neglect in our busy, fast-paced lives.

I think that being “open” just comes naturally to her. But I also think that it’s something we all can and should work towards – one day and one person at a time.

“There is no secret to good health other than just plain, good common sense.”

William H. Danforth (1870-1956)

The winter cold and flu season is upon us. Since the beginning of November, every member of our family has taken turns nursing a runny nose, infected sinuses, or a hacking cough.

As I drink gallons of herbal tea and tote around wads of tissue paper in my coat pockets, I think about how nice it is to be healthy …. and how much I will appreciate the energy and zest that will one day return to me once I can stop blowing my nose.

But, in the meantime, I can’t help wondering, “Could I have prevented all of this by taking better care of myself?” Quite possibly. Every winter seems to bring the same health and wellness pitfalls.

When the readily-available fresh fruits and vegetables of summer become less and less … well, readily available, my diet suddenly takes a huge hit in vitamins A & C. I also tend to drink much less water in the cold season, trending more towards hot chocolate, tea, and yes, a little too much coffee. And during the variable weather of early winter, I am more apt to fill my exercise quota indoors, which consequently cuts my exposure to fresh air down quite a bit. Another culprit is the late nights, where I find myself sitting here at the computer long past a healthy bedtime.

I am making a slightly tardy New Year’s resolution to try and do better – for myself, and also for my family.

We definitely run a pretty tight ship when it comes to good lifestyle habits in our house, but it’s the little things that are easy to let slide. And those are the things that seem to add up on the sly (like an excess of sugar over the holidays and too much caffeine during a busy work week).

We may not be able to completely dodge cold and flu season. But we can at least put up a good defense – with a balanced diet, fresh air and exercise, and a good night’s sleep.