I often feel sorry for my daughter when it comes to our reading repertoire at home. Her older brother seems to call the shots – and we spend much of our time subject to his personal “reading list.” First, Thomas the Tank Engine, then Diego, and now the entire Star Wars series.

So tonight, I pulled Cinderella off the shelf in pure “girlie” rebellion. As I revisited the story of beautiful Cinderella and her wicked stepsisters for the first time in years, I could see why so many mothers of my generation cringe at the mention of these old-school princess fairy tales.

Poor pitiful girl in dire straits meets dashing young boy, is rescued, falls magically in love, and lives happily ever after. 

So it is a little passe. But whatever. I can let that whole thing go. A lot of girls seem to get a kick out of the whole starry-eyed dream of falling madly in love with their “prince” and galloping off into the sunset. I remember being that girl.

So it’s not the male/female relationship in the story that got my attention this time around. It was the fact that none of these poor women have any good girlfriends! In fact, most of the other gals in the story are out to get them. 

Having just come off a rather fantastic weekend away with my girlfriends as we celebrated a 40th birthday with champagne, dinner out, and lots of great stories and laughter …. I was struck by the fact that poor Cinderella – and so many of her counterparts (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Rapunzel) – are pretty much alone in the world.

They seem to have plenty of animal friends to keep them company, I guess. But where’s their “right-hand gang?” 

Who cares if they’re pining away after some cute guy on a horse. Most of us dream of falling in love. But what’s so sad about these stories has nothing to do with the boy — and everything to do with the girlfriends who aren’t around.

Closing the ultra-pink fairy-tale book and kissing my 3-year-old daughter on the forehead before sending her off to dreamland, I silently vowed to myself to tell her all of the other fairy tales that were never told. 

The ones about finding your long-lost best girlfriends, your “go-to” ladies who will be there for you when Prince Charming loses his pizzazz or is simply working late at the office — again.

The ones who’ll notice your new haircut, listen to you “talk through your problems” for hours, and gladly share a slice of better-than- sex chocolate cake with you after a perfectly filling dinner. 

Sure, I hope that my daughter finds her Prince Charming – if she’s looking for him. But I want to send her out into the world searching for something else at the same time — a friend, or a pack of friends, who will share with her the hills and valleys of life as only girlfriends can.

The ones who’ll understand how much it hurts when that guy doesn’t ever call back and who’ll know how hard it is to take off that extra baby weight and find a bra that actually fits after nursing. 

I’ve been lucky enough to find my “soul-sisters” during the various stages of my life. A few have stayed the course, and a lot of them have changed through the years. But they’ve always been there — to call on when times were really great and when they weren’t. 

And I can only hope the same for my little girl.

Besides, what good is a dance with Prince Charming at the ball if she doesn’t have her best buds to celebrate with afterwards?

My mom and I decided that it might be nice to make some candies and cookies around the holidays to deliver to some of Gracie’s neighbors. From what I can tell, many of the residents in her apartment building are shut-ins (or close to it) and spend their days quite alone.

We asked Gracie to come up with a list of five or six people who would enjoy a surprise visit. She never does anything halfway. The list that she put together included not only names but a description of each person — any disabilities, approximate age, and interests.

When we arrived at Gracie’s apartment on delivery day, she was festively dressed in a red beret, holiday sweater, and silver silk pants. In typical Gracie fashion, she turned this simple outing into an occasion.

With Gracie’s detailed guide in hand, we followed this sprightly little lady as she walked with a sense of confidence and determination through the halls of her building, cane in hand. She would arrive at someone’s door, knock her distinct rat-a-tat-tat, and they would always answer.

I got the feeling that she must make social calls fairly often. No one seemed surprised to see her standing on their doorstep.

It was a lovely way to spend a couple of hours the week before Christmas. I think that Gracie’s neighbors really appreciated our visit.

But here’s the thing that stuck with me ….. While we (like so many others who suddenly appear on the threshold of strangers’ doors around Christmas) will likely disappear from their lives until next December, Gracie will be sticking around.

The sense of social responsibility that she feels is not contained to one particular season. On a daily basis, it propels her out of the comfort of her cozy apartment and into the lives of strangers — turning them into her friends.

That day and for days after, I kept thinking about how much she gives of herself to others.

She doesn’t need to extend her social circle. She has so many friends and family members to fill her days. But she is constantly reaching out to embrace those around her (even if she has to hunt them down). Gracie makes an effort to know each person who crosses her path in an intimate, meaningful way — a basic human need that we so often neglect in our busy, fast-paced lives.

I think that being “open” just comes naturally to her. But I also think that it’s something we all can and should work towards – one day and one person at a time.

by Satirat

Today I received a newsletter from the organization that served as the catalyst for this blog (see History) and so many other good things in my life — the American Youth Foundation (AYF).

The president, Anna-Kay Vorsteg, always includes an insightful letter that discusses the relevance of the ongoing efforts of the nonprofit organization in light of current affairs. 

The title of her letter in this issue gave me pause. It read,  “Diminishing Resources?” The question mark is so telling. In the letter, she discusses a problem-solving activity called Diminishing Resources that the AYF often uses in its leadership-development programs.

The goal of the activity is to challenge a group to adapt as their resources appear to diminish from plentiful to scarce.  Anna-Kay writes in her letter, “I have facilitated this activity many times and, in doing so, have observed that generally youth discover the solution more quickly than adults.”  

We grown-ups are so set in our ways of thinking. It’s hard for us to shake our preconceptions about things — but also our pessimism. Children are, by nature, the eternal optimists.  As parents, we are so busy leading these little people around. It would do us good, from time to time, to take their hands and let them introduce us to the bountiful world of possibility that they seem to know so well. 

But the good news is that, with enough determination, groups of all ages eventually solve the diminishing-resources problem. “In this game, as resources diminish, creative solutions are grown, dependency on others is increased, ideas and items are shared, and eventually spirits soar,” Anna-Kay says. 

Now this is where she makes the great leap between a small-group learning experience and the greater situation we find ourselves in as citizens of the world:

“As the value of the dollar drops and expenses rise, we all hear a cry to change behaviors and conserve resources. We all worry and wonder if we will have enough …. The task before us as a people, a nation, an organization are not insurmountable if we can surface and act upon new ideas. What are we not yet seeing? What could we change? How can we better work together and share resources? Which resources are untapped?”

I think that both as individuals and as a greater global community, we are still struggling to make that difficult transition between clinging to well-worn perceptions … and breaking out into a new way of seeing the world and our role in it. It is a difficult place to be in. The more that we insist that the old way is the only way — the more painful and prolonged the journey to a hopeful tomorrow will be. 

But as the case study at Merrowvista suggests, we are absolutely capable of thinking outside-of-the-box, if we just think long enough and hard enough –  and if we think together.

“It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.” 

Leo F. Buscaglia
1924-1998

Photo taken by Tia Serre

With Thanksgiving just a couple of days away, I wanted my three- and five-year-old to have a general sense of what the holiday is all about. But for young children, what does it really mean to be thankful? — Besides blurting out a well-scripted “thank you” when they’ve just been given something that they really, really wanted. 

I couldn’t come up with any brilliant ideas, so I pilfered one from The Simple Mom (http://www.thesimplemom.wordpress.com), who creates a Thanksgiving Tree with her family every year. She draws a bare tree on a piece of paper, and then, over the course of a couple of weeks or so, family members write down the things or people that they’re thankful for on multi-colored leaves and tape them to the tree. Although she recommends beginning the project in mid-November, I decided to cram it all in at once. Just my style — fast and furious.

In the end, I think that my kids got something out of it. The activity at least gave us time to sit down together and talk a little about what we value in our lives — our stuffed animals, our friends, our school. 

But I am now left with a nagging question in my mind. Just how can a kid who has never really wanted for anything, except maybe a box of Spongebob Squarepants cereal, really understand gratitude? The only answer that I can come up with is that, at some point, kids should be exposed to those who have less. They should participate with their parents in some kind of service-related activity. 

Yep – that’s us, parents. We need to be reminded, as well, that we are indeed blessed … and that our blessings bring with them certain responsibilities. Although we can easily (and understandably) become consumed with caring for our own little families, we have to remember that there are others out there who need us too.

There is a story that is circulating around the news this week (http://www.komonews.com/news/problemsolvers/34241094.htmla) about an eleven-year-old boy whose dying wish was to feed the homeless. With only two weeks to live, he inspired thousands to give to others less fortunate than themselves. 

What a lesson we can learn from this little boy. If he was able to accomplish this miracle from the confinement of his bed in less than two weeks, what can each able-bodied person do in his or her lifetime? Or better yet – what are we willing to do? This Thanksgiving, I am asking myself this question … as I reflect back on a rather privileged life. 

Perhaps the most important bi-product of gratitude is the desire to share our good fortune with others. 

Let’s stop and give thanks for each of the leaves on our respective Thanksgiving trees. And then, with our kids in tow — let’s take a cue from a little boy with perspective well beyond his years, and start giving back.

About two years ago, I stopped buying the tear-free baby shampoo for my kids in favor of the more “natural” products on the market. On numerous occasions, of course, this “natural” shampoo would drip down into my little boy or girl’s eyes, prompting them to burst into tears. 

I always thought they were overreacting and never switched back to the tear-free brand. But the other night, I somehow managed to get shampoo in my own eyes. Yow!!! I couldn’t stick my face in the water fast enough. It really stung. I had no idea.

At that moment, I was struck by the thought, “Wow – you just never know how someone feels until you’re in that situation yourself.” And then I began to think of all the people that I encounter on a regular basis who are struggling with one life challenge or another.  

As the holiday season approaches, we begin to hear pleas from different organizations to give to those who are less fortunate. We hear accounts of people who aren’t able to heat their homes or put food on the table.  These stories seem more plentiful this year, with gas and food prices soaring, the economy in trouble, and lots of us out of jobs ….

When we’re on the outside looking in, it’s all too easy to minimize the gravity of someone else’s experience. Surely the shampoo can’t sting that badly.

May the hair-washing incident be a lesson to me… to show more compassion. And to recognize the difference between what I think I know and what I really know.