“Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to the country and to mankind is to bring up a family.”

- George Bernard Shaw

As I begin to finalize my list of goals for the upcoming year (and boy, I have a lot of them!), I keep coming back to this quote by George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950). These words, written so long ago, remind me that even if I don’t achieve each of my personal and professional aims by the time I ring in 2010, I still will have had a successful year if I have managed to stay focused on my loved ones. 

In today’s world, we measure our success through so many other means … whether or not we get that promotion or score that assignment, how much we can stash away in savings at the end of the year, where we can take our family for that week-long vacation, etc., etc., etc.

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to achieve. It’s a defining part of the American culture. I know that I have to constantly fight that inner voice that’s telling me, “Produce! Produce! Produce!” at the expense of pulling me away from the experience that’s in my immediate grasp, whether it’s cooking dinner or playing Legos with my kids.

Unfortunately, the success garnered by preparing a meal or building a fantastic fighter-jet out of plastic parts is not as measurable as a job title or a paycheck.

But that doesn’t mean that those intangibles should “weigh-in” any less. In fact, I think that I’ll keep that quote by George Bernard Shaw on my refrigerator door as a reminder that my greatest successes in life will not be measurable. 

New Years provides a great opportunity for looking at one’s life from the outside-in … as if we are spectators on the sidelines, watching our lives unfold. How did we perform in the last round, and what are our odds in the coming match?

But I think that I’ll try a new approach this year – observing this annual milestone from the inside-out. How have my actions over the past year impacted the lives of those around me, and what will I do in the coming year to bring love, comfort, and joy to both my family members and my friends?

From this revised perspective, that tasty lasagna and freestanding plastic sculpture suddenly fly to the top of the list of New Year’s Resolutions.

I was talking with a friend during after-school hours at the playground today. She mentioned that she has been struggling with this in-between time of year — with winter not fully arrived and autumn’s warmer and more colorful days long past.

Lately, I’ve been finding myself in a lot of conversations like this. But as we talked this afternoon, I began to think that there may be more to this “betwixt and between” feeling, that so many moms I know are experiencing, than simply the change of seasons.

Regardless of our individual life stories, a thin veil of anxiety and worry appears to be hanging over most of us. And it’s really no wonder. The economy comes up in almost every hockey-rink-sideline chat I’m involved in. Either a friend’s husband just got laid off, or a couple someone knows is in deep water with a home they can’t sell in a town where they can’t find work. Of course we’re on edge!

If the bottom hasn’t already dropped out from under us, we’re afraid it might happen at any time. That feeling of security – and perhaps naivety – that we enjoyed only a few months ago is now a happy memory. We’re worried about our jobs, our savings, our homes, and our futures. 

So if it’s not just a Vitamin-D deficit, and the uncertainty of the economic climate is really what’s bugging us, then how do we get out of our funk in time to enjoy the holidays?

I think that the answer lies in two life skills that I’ve personally been working on for years: letting go of fear and learning to adapt readily to change.

If we can accept that we don’t have control over most things in our lives — even though we like to think that we do — then we will be less attached to each situation’s outcome. And if we’re less attached to the outcome, then maybe we’ll be better equipped to ride whatever tide comes our way.

As for the holidays …. maybe we can start trying to see uncertainty as one of this season’s mysterious gifts. 

Christmas is really all about love (in the active tense). And we love most effectively in the here and now. Perhaps that uneasiness we feel about not-knowing-what’s-coming-next should be a cue to us to embrace the moment that we’re in – and to celebrate, more earnestly than ever, the love that we share with our families, our friends, and our neighbors.

The holiday season has officially arrived. The local radio station is playing 24-hour Christmas music from now until New Years. My kids are becoming at home in the storage room, pulling out their favorite decorations and dispersing them around the house. And the pile of shopping catalogs on the kitchen counter grows exponentially each day. 

These glossy little magazines have become as much a part of the prelude to Christmas as the twinkle lights that we string on the bushes or the wreath hung on the door. If left out in the open, these toy-filled magazines become my kids’ reading material of choice. They sneak them into their rooms, and only a glow from their flashlights can be seen through the bedcovers as they peruse the pages after lights-out. 

The Christmas Wish List is as etched into the holiday experience as Santa, himself. But this year, in particular, families will struggle with the tug between tightening purse strings and the consumer expectations that permeate the holidays. What is a parent to do when the pressure’s on and the pocketbook is lighter than usual?

Here are a few tips for toning down the “gimme” aspect of Christmas, in favor of traditions that will far outlast the latest fad in gadgetry:

Hide the Catalogs (or throw them away) 

Flip through them, perhaps, for that first “Yea! Christmas is here!” rush – and then put them away. In their place, go to the library and check out a few great holiday picture books for the kids and some inspirational reading for yourself. I read Leo Buscaglia’s book, Seven Stories of Christmas Love, every year. Pick up Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol or a holiday craft guide. It doesn’t matter. The point is to fill your home with good, wholesome reading material that helps you focus on the magic of the season.

Turn on the VCR

When you were a kid, you had to patiently wait to see your local television network’s special presentation of Frosty the Snowman. Not anymore! Now, you can just pop in your own copy or grab one at the video store whenever you like. So instead of subjecting the family to the thousands of toy commercials that litter the screen, it’s time to break out the VCR or DVD player. Pop some popcorn. Make it a family movie-night. Or not. Just take advantage of all of the great, pure holiday entertainment out there — without the distracting advertisements.

Make Memories

If you spend less time shopping this holiday season, then you’ll have more time for having experiences together as a family. Get outside, and make some memories. Whether you hit up the local sledding hill or get the neighborhood kids together for a game of touch-football, the point is to shift the household energy away from “things” and towards “people.” What better way to do that than by spending quality time together as a family and a community?

String Popcorn (or do something else crafty)

Turn on the Christmas music, rally the kids together, and make something. Baking Christmas cookies can provide enough entertainment for an entire afternoon. And then you can even pack them up and give them away as gifts. From gingerbread houses to Christmas ornaments to holiday place-mats, the options really are endless. 

Adopt a Family

Just when you thought you really needed that fancy new digital something-or-another, you encounter someone whose child doesn’t have a winter coat. There are a number of holiday outreach programs that help provide Christmas for low-income families. Empower your kids by teaching them the deep satisfaction that only comes from giving to those in need.

My son and I were tackling his weekly kindergarten homework assignment the other day. The tasks are usually fairly simple -walk through town and count the pumpkins, draw a picture of your family, etc. But this time, the teacher threw me a curve ball when he included ,”Do five push-ups and five sit-ups.” 

Of course, my son didn’t know how to do either a push-up or a sit-up. I’m guessing that teaching him these basic fitness skills was the goal of the assignment.  Instead, it provided a humbling experience for his mother. Although I do my fair share of cardiovascular exercise, I will admit that I haven’t done a push-up since college. I always hated them.

This was the first time that I can ever remember feeling embarrassed in front of my five-year-old. I’ve always been physically superior to him – I mean, he’s only four-feet-tall. But my attempt to touch my nose to the floor in proper push-up form was not entirely successful. He managed three to my almost-one.

We both had a good laugh. But I was feeling a wave of panic emerge beneath this good-hearted chuckle. There isn’t a women’s magazine in the world that hasn’t published an article about osteoporosis. I’ve read them only halfheartedly – until now.

I don’t exercise in order to fit into a certain-size pair of jeans. I just want to be young and healthy for as long as possible – able to keep up with my kids and feel good when I wake up in the morning. Walking, running, and skiing always seemed to be enough.

But I think that my mid-thirties have snuck up on me a little. Maybe it’s time to start doing a little more. With the threat of osteoporosis looming around the corner, some good old-fashioned strength-training might be a good idea. For now, I’m just praying that pull-ups aren’t part of next week’s homework.

Since becoming a mom, I often have the feeling that I’m under siege — and the only means of defense available to me is to never pick up a parenting-related magazine, turn off the news programs, and avoid groups of other over-informed mothers. The negative, alarmist-driven media is likely the greatest threat to parental peace-of-mind.

It’s unfair, really — and not terribly different from using headlights to hunt a deer. As mothers, we are completely vulnerable and defenseless when it comes to anything that might possibly threaten our offspring. This is a beautiful fact (of most) of the natural world. Our ancestral mothers may have used sticks or stones to chase away threatening animals or enemies that lurked in the darkness, and hopefully the menacing creature would go away.

Today, the monsters in the shadows are more elusive. But whether they take the form of a possible flu pandemic, environmental toxins, or child predators — these information-based demons produce in us the same fight-or-flight response that our foremothers experienced in ages past.

But we can’t just blame those people out there who keep yelling, “There’s a big, horrible, scary creature in the forest!” They’re simply trying to sell magazines or attract viewers. We’re the ones who keep running for the hills.

As humans, our brains are hardwired for fear. I think that motherhood must put this part of our physiology into overdrive. So how should we respond when we encounter a piece of information that appears to give us the option to either protect our little ones or throw them into harm’s way? Of course we’re going to panic!

That’s why I think that we need to just reduce our exposure to the astounding amount of fear-based messages that are being sent around out there. It’s good to be informed and to be aware. But it’s not good to live in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight when it comes to our children’s welfare.

As mothers, I propose that we take a vow to stop passing along so many alarmist news bulletins and start helping each other embrace and enjoy this precious time in our lives.

So the next time we catch ourselves on the brink of sharing immunization-scare stories with a new mom whose baby has just been immunized …. we should check ourselves. Instead, let’s tell her about all of those sweet, sloppy kisses that soon will be coming her way.

I’ve always made exercise a priority. That’s never really been a problem for me, which is probably because everyone’s telling me that I should do it. I’ve yet to find a health-related magazine on the shelves that doesn’t praise the benefits of sweating-it-out a few times a week. But creating time and space for my spiritual life has not always come so effortlessly. 

I think that many of us today suffer from a dry well when it comes to our souls. We’re just not in the habit of consciously keeping an eye on the water level. Now that I’ve started to become more in-tune with this part of my life, I can sense when I need some spiritual recharging.

Just recently, I began bringing my family to a nondenominational church in town. It feels really good to me. I enjoy just sitting in that quiet, contemplative place every Sunday morning, listening to the music, and waiting for the minister to say something that really hits home for me. He almost always does. And I leave there feeling more connected to God, the community of churchgoers around me, and to the natural world outside those church doors. It’s just a good space for me. I look forward to going — and I think that my kids get a lot out of it too. If nothing else, it’s something that we do together as a family. While so much of the week pulls us apart from one another, church brings us together. 

During other times in my life, church wasn’t necessarily the answer to that spiritual calling. My soul has been touched on a long cross-country ski tour through the mountains or even while soaking in a warm bath with some inspirational reading. I have friends who meditate and who practice yoga. Personally, I find some deep satisfaction in being a part of a community of others who are on a similar spiritual quest. But every person is different. And I do believe that your spiritual life is deeply personal.

But I have challenged myself – and I would challenge anyone – to try and find an hour out of every day (and certainly every week) to be still and feel connected to the world that exists beyond our five senses. I think it’s certainly a worthwhile investment of time.

Six months after my son was born, I decided to leave the job that I’d held for almost six years to stay home and focus entirely on this new little man in my life. I remember about a week after I became officially unemployed, my mother sent a huge box of silk flowers as a housewarming gift. We had moved recently, and she thought that a few vases of flowers would warm up the place. It took me almost two weeks to make those floral arrangements.

I kept doing and undoing them until my husband finally said, “Aren’t you a creative person? You’re overthinking this.” He was right. The problem with my arrangements was that I was approaching the process in a very linear way .. the designs were perfectly symmetrical. I took my husband’s advice, relaxed a little, and let my creative juices flow. It felt great — and the arrangements looked more natural too.

Most women I know were in the work world for a decade or more before having their first child, and most of us reported to our desks until the day the baby arrived. We have had plenty of time to refine our job-place personalities  — whether we realize it or not.

When I decided to stay home with my son, I took the “me”  who had been successful at work and tried to relocate her … only this time my office was the entirety of my house.  I took this new domain and set of responsibilities very seriously. I was going to be the super Director of the Child and Home now. My baby boy was always thoroughly entertained, the house was spotless (whenever anyone came to visit), and I was always busying myself with something productive while my son napped. But I couldn’t for the life of me arrange a vase of flowers. 

It took awhile, but I finally came to understand that the “office-me” didn’t really fit in at home. Over the years in the career-world, I had changed to fit my job. Now that I was a mother, I didn’t need to play that role any longer — I had a new one. And this one involved getting back in touch with the more creative, less-linear me.

Whether or not new moms stay home or go back to work, motherhood changes us. And I think that this metamorphosis causes as much mental confusion as it does physical. It’s as if our brains and our lives have been simultaneously rewired. Letting ourselves think about and approach things differently than we did before kids is probably an important step to really enjoying this time in life. Parenthood begins that mental transformation for us — and we can either fight it or embrace it. 

For me, I finally just selected a few of my favorite silk buds, put them haphazardly in a vase, and had a nice laugh at myself.