For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying something new – turning off my mind and tuning in to the present. Regularly. And this simple practice has truly changed my life.

I stumbled upon Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now, completely by accident. A friend had recommended another one of his books, A New Earth. But when the library didn’t have it on the shelf, I grabbed The Power of Now on a whim. Later, I did pick up the other book, and I’m not sure which one I enjoyed more. They both did more for my life in a couple of short weeks than any single book I’ve ever read.

Before I had children, I probably spent most of my time “in my head.” I just didn’t realize it. I mean, it didn’t affect my life all that much. When you’re alone in your car or at your desk or on a run, the voice in your head is kind of nice company. Quite frankly, I think that I spent a lot of time talking to myself. And it wasn’t really an issue.

But once I added two small children to my days and nights, that voice in my head became problematic. Most new moms experience increased worry and anxiety. Well, those emotions become an unhealthy habit if you’re constantly yelling, “FIRE!!!” and running for the exit door — which doesn’t exist, so you just continue running around in circles in your mind with the panic button still  on.

I was feeding myself all kinds of horror stories all day long … what might harm my child, or me, or their father, what I needed to do next, what I hadn’t done yet, etc. It wasn’t all negative thinking. But Echkart Tolle’s book just made me realize how much time I was spending THINKING instead of BEING.

And what he said, which had never actually occurred to me before, is that I have control over these thoughts! I can make that internal voice stop by focusing for a few moments on my breath and my surroundings. And then, voila! I’m present in the moment.

What’s really great is that I don’t have to DO anything different, like meditate for 20 minutes every day or do yoga. I’m sure those things would help, but it’s as simple as recognizing “the voice” for what it is — the imagination on overdrive — and just turning it off.

It’s amazing how much peace I’ve found in my life now that I’m not always interrupting myself with unnecessary thinking.

I would like to put in a petition for a 30-hour day. I truly believe that six extra hours per day would enable me to get everything done that I need to accomplish … and I might even have time to sit and read a book, or do something else relaxing. Yes, six more hours would be just great.

I know that there are some people out there who have managed to find these additional few hours without having to actually slow down the earth’s rotation. These amazing individuals can get 4-5 hours of sleep each night and still be safe behind a wheel.

Alas, I am not one of these people. I would definitely be considered a public hazard, if I were to regularly skimp on half of my daily sleep requirement.

I feel like I’m already cutting every corner to manufacture extra minutes in the day. Here are some of my time-creating tactics that might work for you, too (although you’re probably already doing half of them):

Eat and drink on the run.

Morning coffee is rarely sipped from a mug, but more often slugged from a silver thermos. And just today, I found myself eating a leftover bagel in the front seat of the car after my 3-year-old daughter reached out from her car-seat and said, “here, Mommy.”

Shower every other day.

I figure that saves me some time, too. It’s summer – I’m just going to get dirty again, anyway. And a friend of mine has a really clean pond. It’s the perfect natural bath.

Stop folding and putting away laundry.

This activity is just far too time consuming. My kids have now started fishing their clothes out of the laundry basket. They’re much easier to get to than if they were in a drawer, anyway.

Lose the brush.

I honestly don’t know where ours is. It has been missing for months. No, really, I’m serious. I cut my hair recently under the guise of fashion. But it was really because I don’t have time to brush.

Stop making the bed.

This one doesn’t even require an explanation. It makes perfect sense.

And finally, let the clutter collect.

I find that it’s much easier to locate what I’m looking for if it all stays out in the open. You tuck something neatly away in a drawer or cabinet, and you’ll never find it (on purpose) again.

There you go. Follow these suggestions, and you’ll create at least 2-3 NEW hours for yourself every day.

I often feel sorry for my daughter when it comes to our reading repertoire at home. Her older brother seems to call the shots – and we spend much of our time subject to his personal “reading list.” First, Thomas the Tank Engine, then Diego, and now the entire Star Wars series.

So tonight, I pulled Cinderella off the shelf in pure “girlie” rebellion. As I revisited the story of beautiful Cinderella and her wicked stepsisters for the first time in years, I could see why so many mothers of my generation cringe at the mention of these old-school princess fairy tales.

Poor pitiful girl in dire straits meets dashing young boy, is rescued, falls magically in love, and lives happily ever after. 

So it is a little passe. But whatever. I can let that whole thing go. A lot of girls seem to get a kick out of the whole starry-eyed dream of falling madly in love with their “prince” and galloping off into the sunset. I remember being that girl.

So it’s not the male/female relationship in the story that got my attention this time around. It was the fact that none of these poor women have any good girlfriends! In fact, most of the other gals in the story are out to get them. 

Having just come off a rather fantastic weekend away with my girlfriends as we celebrated a 40th birthday with champagne, dinner out, and lots of great stories and laughter …. I was struck by the fact that poor Cinderella – and so many of her counterparts (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Rapunzel) – are pretty much alone in the world.

They seem to have plenty of animal friends to keep them company, I guess. But where’s their “right-hand gang?” 

Who cares if they’re pining away after some cute guy on a horse. Most of us dream of falling in love. But what’s so sad about these stories has nothing to do with the boy — and everything to do with the girlfriends who aren’t around.

Closing the ultra-pink fairy-tale book and kissing my 3-year-old daughter on the forehead before sending her off to dreamland, I silently vowed to myself to tell her all of the other fairy tales that were never told. 

The ones about finding your long-lost best girlfriends, your “go-to” ladies who will be there for you when Prince Charming loses his pizzazz or is simply working late at the office — again.

The ones who’ll notice your new haircut, listen to you “talk through your problems” for hours, and gladly share a slice of better-than- sex chocolate cake with you after a perfectly filling dinner. 

Sure, I hope that my daughter finds her Prince Charming – if she’s looking for him. But I want to send her out into the world searching for something else at the same time — a friend, or a pack of friends, who will share with her the hills and valleys of life as only girlfriends can.

The ones who’ll understand how much it hurts when that guy doesn’t ever call back and who’ll know how hard it is to take off that extra baby weight and find a bra that actually fits after nursing. 

I’ve been lucky enough to find my “soul-sisters” during the various stages of my life. A few have stayed the course, and a lot of them have changed through the years. But they’ve always been there — to call on when times were really great and when they weren’t. 

And I can only hope the same for my little girl.

Besides, what good is a dance with Prince Charming at the ball if she doesn’t have her best buds to celebrate with afterwards?

I’ve been eating a lot of cereal lately (and I don’t mean for breakfast).  And I know that’s not good. But there’s just not enough time to go around, it seems. When I’ve got a few minutes, the last thing that I want to do is actually spend time preparing myself something to eat.

Now, I know that this isn’t something that I should keep up, because the habit leaves me with two things: an unsettled stomach and a frazzled day.

I mean, the day’s hectic no matter how you slice it — between school & preschool drop-offs, meetings for work, projects to complete, and school & preschool pick-ups. Not to mention those necessary evils, like grocery store runs and bank deposits.

But eating a mug (not even a bowl, mind you) of cereal at my desk only causes the events of the day to come colliding together all the more dramatically. 

I know what I need to do. I need to take the time to stand at the kitchen counter long enough to slice a tomato, wash a handful of lettuce, and smear some hummus or something on some bread … and then take a seat at the table to quietly enjoy and DIGEST my lunch. 

In the end, I really won’t get that much less done. And I not only will have given my mind – and my body – a much-needed break, but also the gift of the moment. 

I require my kids to sit in one place when they dine in our home. I say things like, “Your body won’t be able to use all that good food to grow if you don’t SIT DOWN!” I’ve even taken away numerous meals when my children have stood up and walked around the room one too many times.

So why don’t I hold myself to the same standards of proper dining behavior? Well, I should. And I will. As soon as I finish this mug of frosted mini-wheats ….

Almost six years after diving-in to this whole parenting thing, I’m just now realizing that I don’t have to witness my child’s every breath to be a good parent. What a relief. I can finally feel good about going to the bathroom alone.

I swear that it was only days after finding out I was expecting my first child that complete strangers began stopping me in the grocery store to say, “It goes by so fast! Don’t blink!”

“Don’t blink.” That’s still one of my favorites. I get it at least three or four times a week. 

The ever diligent person that I am, I’ve always taken these comments to heart — meaning that I’ve spent a lot of hours in my children’s faces. I’ve worked really hard at being present and available to them. They have been the center of my life.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, so someone said. 

I think that all of those hours attending to my kids’ every whim, determined not to BLINK and miss one precious moment of their lives …. has resulted in two very attention-needy children. They’re really great, fun-loving kids. But they demand a lot of one-on-one time from us.

Naturally – since I’ve been so desperately trying to make the most of this fleeting moment in time, I’ve resisted sending either of my kids to preschool. 

Until recently. 

With a work schedule that demanded it, I had to give in. My daughter began preschool last week.

And guess what? Not only did she have a great time, but I was delighted to see that she really didn’t grow all that much in the five hours that we were apart. 

She enjoyed making some new friends, I got some work done, and we had a delightful afternoon and evening together after that.

Perspective is a good thing. I’m sure that looking back, the years when our kids are little do seem to go by in a flash. 

But the thing is, we can’t hoard time — no matter how hard we might try. So it’s best to just let go and enjoy each step of the journey, instead of fretting about when it’s going to end.

As for me, I’m finally getting up the nerve to blink from time to time. And it feels good.

Most moms I know struggle with guilt. When we’re working, we feel guilty that we’re not playing with our kids. When we’re playing with our kids, we feel guilty that we’re not working.

Those of us who are arts-and-crafty blame ourselves for not spending more time hiking and biking with our children, while we outdoorsy-types feel guilty that we don’t expose our wee-ones to more arts-and-crafts projects.

It’s a lose-lose situation – and really kind of funny, if you think about it. What’s interesting is that “guilt” seems to be epidemic with our generation of mothers. But like so many aspects of 21st-century parenting, I don’t think that our foremothers could relate.

I’ve spent a lot of time with women whose days of child-rearing ended before the second World War began … and they just didn’t experience “guilt” as young mothers. Why is that? 

First of all, I think they were just too busy. Yes, we’re busy. But we’re busy in a totally different way.

While mommies of today run companies, drive carpools, and  dash around town picking up and dropping off this and that, the mothers of yesterday were starching and ironing sheets, canning vegetables, baking pies from scratch, sewing dresses, and folding diapers.

They were physically occupied every minute of every day. They didn’t have the luxury of time or the burden of modern psychology to fuel the fire of self-doubt and second-guessing.

I think that the expectations of parenting were different then, too. Children were not the center of the household. Their opinions, wants, and (sometimes) needs came second to those of the adults in the home. For better or for worse. 

A mother’s life was not about pacifying her children. It was about keeping them clothed, fed, and bathed.

Nowadays, we crave a relationship with our kids that is much more complicated. We talk a lot about quality time and connectedness. My grandmother looked at me cross-eyed when I once asked her if she ever played games with her five daughters.

I’m not sure how to keep us all free and clear of the mommy guilt-trap, but I do know that it’s all relative. At the end of the day, if we plan well and allocate our time wisely, we are gifted with more time with our kids than possibly any generation of mothers that has preceded us.

Instead of over-thinking it, we should embrace these precious moments for what they are, feel grateful that we aren’t darning socks, and then guiltlessly move on.

Gracie has a brilliant memory. I have a feeling that it might be photographic. She says that she “sees” the scenes that she plays out for me blow-by-blow in the life-story interview that I’m doing for her. (I just launched a personal histories arm to my business – in large part due to my relationship with Gracie.)

Gracie can tell me what she was wearing, what the weather was like, and what she ate during certain seemingly insignificant events throughout her life …. beginning around age 3. I can barely remember what happened two days ago. And I’ve got 60 fewer years to keep up with!

Perhaps it’s just good genetics. Gracie’s mother lived into her mid-80s and sounds as if she was a rather sharp woman until the end. But I also have to wonder if her unusually acute memory is the result of more than just good genes. 

Gracie doesn’t waste her time dwelling in the past or fretting about the future. And even though you could argue, “well, what would you expect? She’s 96,” I think she’s always been someone who lives fully in the present. She celebrates every moment – often with a clap of her hands and a laugh. I don’t think that these are traits you pick up this late in life. I think she has always lived this way.

So why can she remember in minute detail the interior of the church where her son was married over 40 years ago, when I can’t even tell you what I had for breakfast yesterday? I think it’s because she drinks in her surroundings, doesn’t take one moment for granted, and says a silent “thank you” for every breath she takes.

The rest of us often are just plundering through life, doing a half-dozen things at any one moment – or at least thinking about them. Gracie lives a life of faith, trusting that God will see to all of those minute details that we run ourselves ragged trying to control. 

She just goes with it – and knows that it’s all going to work out just as it should. And so she’s free to notice the depictions on the stained-glass window, the words her husband says to her as they walk through the door of the church, and the color of the dress her son’s new mother-in-law wore that day. 

So I tend to think that Gracie’s memories are so vivid because she really lives each moment …. with all of her mind, body, and spirit. She never fails to “show up” in the here and now. And her unwavering faith gives her the ability to let go and to be fully present to the miraculous details of the world unfolding around her.

I guess the lesson learned here is that if I want a “memorable” past, I need to work a little harder at living in the present today.

“You can be bigger socially than you have ever been in your life. That’s sure. (But) you can’t grow socially unless you help others grow also.”

Wiliam H. Danforth, 1931

During those first few years of motherhood, my social circle grew immensely. I suddenly found myself reaching out and connecting with women like never before.

My formerly introverted self was now carrying around a pen and paper for chance phone number exchanges and then actually calling to set up “play dates” (for our then 3-month-olds.)

Those friendships that developed during the early days of motherhood are still incredibly precious and sustaining to me. But I recently realized – as my energies began zeroing in on my own rekindled career objectives – that my “rolodex,” so to speak, was comprised completely of women between the ages of 32 and 42 with two to three kids each and a husband.

It had never occurred to me that this was a problem. In fact, I would have gone merrily along my way had I not been forced by my business objectives to break out of my mold and meet new people. And wow! — I was shocked at how great it felt!

As I move throughout my days now, getting together with people from so many different walks of life, ages, and backgrounds … I feel a tremendous energy that I haven’t felt in years. It’s a kind of social energy, I guess. And I had no idea that it was missing in my life – until now.

I’ve joined a local networking group, as well as another association related to my line of work, and I’m getting ready to add one more women-in-business organization to my list.

Someone made a comment at one of these meetings recently that none of us would be there (at the meeting) unless we were solely motivated by the need or desire to grow our business. Well, I have news for that person.

I may be out to lunch on this one, but I like to think that we’re also there to help each other grow. I know that I am.

Nothing feels better than to help someone else achieve their goals, whether they’re professional or personal pursuits. It doesn’t matter. In the end, it’s really all personal, anyway. We’re all people – with hopes and passions and dreams.

What a great moment it is when we break out of our narrow mindset long enough to fully appreciate those heartfelt aspirations in another person. To me, that is the “social energy” that makes all things in life and business possible.

And when that can happen, the experience of being part of a business group or a social network or whatever you want to call it is so much more fulfilling than being holed up in your office or kitchen, for that matter, alone with your thoughts and ideas.

“Strive to crowd out of your life unworthy thoughts, unworthy acts, unworthy contacts. Just see what happens if, for a solid week, you fill your life only with the best! — the very best in literature, the very best in art, the very best in nature.”

William H. Danforth, 1931

I have a close friend, Melissa, who is a master of bringing beauty into her life. She turns everyday activities into ceremonious occasions.

I’ve learned a lot from her about filling my life with quality moments and experiences. So I thought I’d pass along a few of her tricks:

Light a Candle

Melissa is a little obsessive about candles. We used to share an apartment years ago, and I remember always feeling nervous that she was going to eventually burn down the place.

These mini-torches hung from the walls, were perched precariously on windowsills, and adorned every flat space (coffee tables, end-tables, vanities) in our little abode. Candles were lit for dinner, for after-dinner tea, for quiet nighttime conversation ….

As much as I might have fretted about their safety, they truly turned an ordinary moment into something quite extraordinary.

One night, we watched together as a neighboring apartment building burned to the ground as a result of a forgotten candle. I thought that this experience might have toned down her own candle-burning habit.

But even today, when I visit her and her growing little family, our moments together are bathed in candlelight. Her three young children have probably never eaten a meal under artificial light.

Put on a Pot of Tea

Being from the south, I grew up with a pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge. But I had never experienced a cup of hot tea until I met Melissa. Since then, I’ve found that most New Englanders drink their fair share of tea, but Melissa’s family drinks more than most.

They put a pot of water on to boil the moment a guest enters the house. In fact, you would never seriously try to have a conversation in their house without a nice cup of hot tea to cradle in your hands.

Plan Your Meals

I’ve spent a lot of time with Melissa and her family over the years, and I can’t remember a time when she has ever said, “Let’s just throw in a frozen pizza.”

She’s an artist. And maybe that explains why she always takes the time to visualize the way a meal will unfold before it happens. It very well may be simple — fresh bread, cheese, dilly beans, and a salad — but it’s never an afterthought.

She says, “What shall we have for dinner?” with a spark in her eye — and you know that no matter what might follow, it’s going to be some kind of culinary occasion.

Slow Down, and Be in the Moment

Although I come from a family where “rushing to the next thing” is part of our genetic code, I have never felt the need to hurry when I’m with Melissa.

She just doesn’t rush. Moments linger. Pots of coffee continue to refill themselves. We may stay in our pajamas until mid-morning. And it just doesn’t matter.

She is a master of being in the present – completely devoted to what we’re experiencing right now … A cup of hot coffee and a meaningful conversation. Why would we need to exchange this moment for a different one?

Choose Your Day

I love spending a full day with Melissa because they are always so well balanced and full. Over breakfast, she’ll say, “So what should we do today?”

And even if there are things that just have to be done — like work, errands, or house chores — she somehow finds time to weave something really great into the day. Maybe we’ll walk into town for breakfast, or we might make a picnic dinner to enjoy by the water. Or sometimes, the entire day will become a series of fun, meaningful experiences.

And it’s all because she loves embracing the possibilities that each day offers — as it begins.

“There is no secret to good health other than just plain, good common sense.”

William H. Danforth (1870-1956)

The winter cold and flu season is upon us. Since the beginning of November, every member of our family has taken turns nursing a runny nose, infected sinuses, or a hacking cough.

As I drink gallons of herbal tea and tote around wads of tissue paper in my coat pockets, I think about how nice it is to be healthy …. and how much I will appreciate the energy and zest that will one day return to me once I can stop blowing my nose.

But, in the meantime, I can’t help wondering, “Could I have prevented all of this by taking better care of myself?” Quite possibly. Every winter seems to bring the same health and wellness pitfalls.

When the readily-available fresh fruits and vegetables of summer become less and less … well, readily available, my diet suddenly takes a huge hit in vitamins A & C. I also tend to drink much less water in the cold season, trending more towards hot chocolate, tea, and yes, a little too much coffee. And during the variable weather of early winter, I am more apt to fill my exercise quota indoors, which consequently cuts my exposure to fresh air down quite a bit. Another culprit is the late nights, where I find myself sitting here at the computer long past a healthy bedtime.

I am making a slightly tardy New Year’s resolution to try and do better – for myself, and also for my family.

We definitely run a pretty tight ship when it comes to good lifestyle habits in our house, but it’s the little things that are easy to let slide. And those are the things that seem to add up on the sly (like an excess of sugar over the holidays and too much caffeine during a busy work week).

We may not be able to completely dodge cold and flu season. But we can at least put up a good defense – with a balanced diet, fresh air and exercise, and a good night’s sleep.